The Ultimate CrackFic
by sunshinerosesandDEATH
Summary: This is love like you've never seen it before. Includes True Love, imagined snogging, and sickening declarations of said True Love. Warning: You may be scarred for life after reading this. You have been warned.


AN: Okay, after a long stay at camp, Sunny is back and scarier than ever. This is absolutely deranged, so you have been warned.

Disclaimer: Me no gusto frijoles.

(Translation: I do not own Maximum Ride)

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Max listened for the voice of her beloved.

She yearned to hear it comforting and guiding her.

A sound?

Alas, she languished in vain.

Heaving a dramatic sigh, she heaved herself to her feet and trudged to the campfire.

"What's wrong, Max?" Fang asked tenderly.

She shook her head.

Nothing.

Max saw the way Fang was looking at her, and frankly, it creeped her out.

He looked at her like she was a piece of meat, just begging to be eaten!

With another theatrical sigh, she resumed attempting to discern her love's Voice.

'_My darling, where are you?'_ Max called in desperation, hoping against hope that her love would reply.

But what was that?

An answer to her prayers?

'_**Maximum, I am here!'**_

'_Oh, my valiant lover, I have missed you terribly!'_

'_**I, too, have counted the seconds till I saw you again.'**_

'_Counted the seconds? How dreadfully romantic of you, my honey-pie!'_

'_**Beloved, I would walk to the ends of the world to make you happy!'**_

'_How wonderful, my sweet sugar bunny!'_

'_**Nothing but the best for my little cupcake!'**_

Fang rolled his eyes.

He could tell by the dreamy look in Max's eyes that she was talking to her Voice again.

All of a sudden, Max was way more into the Voice then Fang.

Fang couldn't understand why.

Wasn't he sensitive, clever, well-mannered, considerate, passionate, charming, as kind as he's handsome and heir to a throne?

'You're everything maidens could wish for!' Fang reassured himself.

He resolved that that very night, he would make his move.

Meanwhile, Max was exchanging increasingly sentimental sentiments with her amorous beau.

'_My sweet honeybee flower darling pumpkin head!'_

'_**Maximum, I love you more than life itself!'**_

'_You aren't alive, my jewel!'_

'_**You speak honeyed words of truth, my precious flower!'**_

'_My love, you are so kind and wonderful!'_

'_**My princess, my delicate flower, my sweet example of maidenhood-'**_

'_Who are you calling a sweet example of maidenhood, my dearest?'_

'_**Well, my smoochy-kins, point taken.'**_

'_Thank you, baby-face. What were you going to say?'_

'_**Maximum, our years together have been the best I've ever had-'**_

'_Darling, we haven't had years together!' _

'_**It seems like we've known each other a lifetime.'**_

'_You speak rightly, for when I first heard your voice, protecting me and managing to be so snarky at the same time, I knew I was in love.'_

'_**When I first heard your biting sarcasm, I knew we were destined to be together!'**_

'_My dearest!'_

'_**My true love!'**_

-Imagined snogging ensues-

'_Darling, what were you going to say again?'_

'_**Yes. Maximum, our time together has been so wonderful. I…I find myself loving you more and more every second, so that my love is spilling out in words of adoration! I love you more then the world, more than the sun and more then the moon. Maximum Ride, will you do the honor of being my bride?'**_

'_My dearest, I would love to! It would be my honor, my pleasure and my destiny to become your bride, darling Voice!'_

'_**Oh Maximum!'**_

'_Oh Voice!'_

'_**Oh Maximum!'**_

'_Oh Voice!'_

'_**Oh Maximum!'**_

'_Oh Voice!'_

'_**Oh Maximum!'**_

'_Voice, my dearest darling sweetie pie?'_

'_**Yes my honey baby sugar cakes?'**_

'_What should I tell the Flock?'_

'_**Tell them the truth, that we are getting married!'**_

'_Married! But darling Voice, there is one pressing question.'_

'_**Speak it, and I will try my utmost to answer it!'**_

'_To speak bluntly, how the heck are we going to get married when you're just a voice in my head? Am I going nuts?'_

'_**Maximum dearest, you are not 'going nuts' as you so quaintly expressed it. I love you and you love me. Why shouldn't we get married? At least I assume you love me…'**_

'_Of course! I will love you forever, beloved! Shall I tell the Flock now?'_

'_**That would be wonderful, my love.'**_

"Yo! Everyone! I have an announcement!"

The Flock all gathered round their beloved leader.

"I'm getting married!"

There was a silence.

You could have heard a pin drop, if there was one to drop.

"Uh, congratulations, Max. Who's the lucky guy?" Angel said, eying Fang.

"The Voice." Max announced proudly.

There were varying reactions.

Iggy fell to the dirt, curled into a ball and yelling something about how Max and the Voice better not have any babies.

Angel's face turned pale and she started holding herself and shaking.

Nudge's jaw hung open and started flapping up and down, but horror of horrors, nothing came out!

Gazzy started puking into a bush, muttering about how eight-year olds weren't supposed to have dirty thoughts about his sister and a Voice…BLEURGH!

Fang stared for a second and then simply fainted dead away.

"Well, that went well, didn't it, honey-bear-boo-boo!" Max stated obliviously.

'_**Yes it did, my love! Let's elope!'**_

'_Darling, how romantic!'_

'_**My honey sweetie-kins, what are we waiting for?'**_

'_Shall we?'_

'_**Let's shall!'**_

Together, Max and the Voice, seeming like two souls in one body, skipped merrily off into the sunset.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Except Fang, who joined a monastery, the Gasman, who developed an eating disorder from puking too much, Iggy, who took a vow of celibacy, Nudge, who was struck dumb and Angel, who was scarred for life.

Alright, so Max and the Voice lived happily ever after.

**The End.**

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Who ever can spot the quote from 'Into the Woods' gets an imaginary muffin baked by Sunny herself!! Please Review!

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